Nice Evening

I love getting off early on Fridays. Today I had lunch with Kasey at the Bakery (love that Tortilla soup!), bought Jenny Woodle a wedding gift, and then came home and cleaned out my dresser drawers and made banana spice bread (not banana nut per Kasey). I've got to mow the lawn this weekend and that will probably be all I accomplish.

We picked some more grapes tonight and added to the others in the freezer. It looks like we'll have plenty to make jelly for gifts this Christmas.

Not anything deep tonight, just thought I would provide an update on the sleep. Mixed results. I've decided that I'm going to continue taking them for a while longer. Still need to be able to shut my brain off and that seems to be the only way to do it.

I am stronger. I feel God holding me. He will bless me and my girls.

Just a Little Nervous...

...about tonight. I'm afraid I've become emotionally dependent on my sleeping pills. I have been taking them since April. In the beginning of this whole thing I wasn't sleeping. At all. Finally got a prescription and although it isn't addictive, it is habit forming. I think I've formed a habit. So, tonight I'm going to try to go without. I really, really hate admitting this because now I'm going to be held accountable. Someone will ask. I'll have to post later. And what if I fail? What if I can't sleep without them and I have to continue to take them until I...I don't know when!?

Okay, enough drama. :) I am very tired and I am drinking Sleepy Time Tea. When I finish with my post I'm going to get in bed and read some more of James. I'm going to ask God for wisdom and then I'm going to sleep.

I'll let you know how it goes...I'm sure you'll be dying to know! ;)

Promises

I thought this picture was appropriate for a 'Good Morning' post. I've been looking - as most of you know - for promises that God has provided us. I've gotten 'stuck' in the book of James. I think I need to find out more about this man. All I know is he wasn't a disciple and he was a half-brother to Jesus. But I like his writing - it almost feels like I'm reading some proverbs in the New Testament. James strikes me as a wise man who understood our weaknesses and addressed them.

Perfect example: James 1:5-8 "If you need wisdom, ask our genrous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waiver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

See? How did he know we are going to waiver. My prayer and thought pattern goes something like this..."God I know you love me and want what is best for me. Please give me wisdom to make good decisions that keep me in your will." Then I start doubting my decisions, asking others what they think, changing my mind, etc. I wish I could be stronger, but I'm not going to beat myself up about this. I'm going to continue to ask for wisdom and I'm going to continue to try to leave the situation with him.

Two other verses that come from the program I'm going through to memorize verses of the Bible. Of course this week the topic is "Prayer" (of course - there are no coincidences).

John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

Phillippians 4 6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Beautiful, powerful verses. Can't wait to have these beautiful promises committed to memory.

Still Waiting

So I am still waiting. Today it isn't with so much confidence. I'm tired, I'm not sleeping well, I'm not eating well, and I am emotionally bankrupt. I don't want to lose my health in this situation and I don't want my daughters to suffer any more than they already have.

I need closure on this part of my life. I don't understand what is taking so long. I don't understand why after more than 5 weeks I am still waiting for a response. So I will purposefully turn to God and his word and this is what I find:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." Proverbs 3: 5&6

And one of the versus I'm memorizing:

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my father, and I, too, will love him and show myself to him." John 14:21

I Have Pictures!

This is the only picture I have of the 3 of us. It was the last evening and we drove to Point of Rocks just south of Ft. Davis to climb the neat rock formations (okay, Kasey and I climbed - Kelly and Ava hung out at the bottom). The quality of the picture is poor because I had to set the camera up on a rock across the parking lot and the sun was shining in the lens. :( Still, not too bad - smiles all around!

So this is Ft. Davis. It is absolutely an incredibly beautiful place. The structures in the background are officer quarters at the old fort and the tall plants in the foreground are called Century Plants (common name). These plants grow for years and years (a century?), produce this tall stalk 1 time - and then die. It is hard to tell, but the plants that have the 'blooms' are actually very large. There is a younger plant in the right foreground that will triple in size before blooming and dying.

We had a really great time together. Somehow we managed to relax and still get alot done. We toured the old fort, went hiking one morning at the Chihuahuan Dessert Research Institute, and then went again for a night hike (amazing!), drove to Alpine and ate at the original Reata, went swimming, went window shopping, and oh yeah - made an emergency trip to the vet to hook up Alex and Zappa to IVs after they ingested some prescription medicine (after hours vet visit, IVs, full blood work, 24 hour stay...$$$$!!). Oh well, they are no worse for the wear and I would have spent that $500+ on something.

I am going to post more pictures on my Facebook - it is a little easier to do it there.

I am so thankful for my daughters.

1,320

...miles that is. Kasey and I drove to Ft. Davis to spend several days with Kelly. It was an incredible time. Kelly is starting to show (she is 18 weeks tomorrow) and she is adorable. For those who haven't heard through facebook, it appears she and Casey are having a girl! They'll have another opportunity to look in a couple weeks, but the doctor said the sonogram was notable for "no boy parts". We are thrilled! Kelly and Casey had actually been thinking 'girl' all along. Her name will be Ava Rose and I can't wait to hold her.

I've been searching God's word for his promises and of course he never fails to provide just the right thing. My new passage he provided me is 2 Corinthians 17 & 18:

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Very comforting to me and I hope you as well.

I'm ready for closure in my personal life. Ready to know what is going to happen to me and see how God is going to lead me through. There is an element of excitement, waiting to see what God has planned for me, but truthfully I struggle with not knowing on an almost daily basis. Last night I had to ask forgiveness for my doubt and worry. Will probably have to do it again tonight! :)

Be Careful What You Ask For... :)

So about 2 weeks ago I was really struggling with feeling sad - the best way to explain it is I feel like I have a dark cloud hanging over my head - anyway, I literally prayed outloud and basically said something like, "God, I'm really feeling sad right now and I need something good to happen to me today. Please." Not 2 hours later I received a phone call from my dear friends who told me they wanted to meet with me the next morning to buy me breakfast and to visit. I don't get to see this couple but about once every 2 - 3 years so it was a very special phone call and brightened the rest of my evening and the visit the next morning was priceless.

So, fast forward to today. Again, the cloud. Again, the prayer uttered outloud on the way to work. My day was pretty normal and I felt that I had successfully made it through another day. When I got home this evening Kasey and I took a walk and at the last moment decided to go farther than we usually do and so we took a different route. We were momentarily scared when the bushes next to us rustled, then out ran 4 adorable kittens. Now I realize for some of you that would be a nightmare and not a pleasant occurrence, but I have been talking about getting a couple of kittens since we moved here - the caveat - I wanted to find a calico. Would you believe there is 1 beautiful calico and 3 gorgeous black and white tuxedos?

Kasey and I scooped them up and brought them home. They are about 6 weeks old and so funny! I know it may seem silly, but isn't it just like God to have the perfect timing and the tenderest touch to provide exactly what I had been wanting? I was reminded of the prayer I verbalized that morning and realized God took the time to show me this simple kindness.

Kittens. Too cute and precious for words. I'll post pictures so you can see how adorable.