Doesn't Make Sense

I wish I could describe how I feel at the end of each day. I had someone - can't remember who - tell me that they ached for me when they thought of me climbing in bed each night with an empty spot beside me. For them the empty spot was symbolic of the abandonment I have experienced and it made them angry and sad. I wish I could remember who told me they felt that way because I would love to comfort them with this knowledge - I love going to bed each night.

I know I shouldn't. I know I should feel emptiness and sadness and an empty spot beside me. I don't though. The nighttime - late at night - is my time to spend with the Lord and I can't wait. At the risk of sounding strange (it wouldn't be the first time) I have to tell you that I look forward to my time with my heavenly Father just as a young couple who are dating long to spend time together. I climb into bed with my Bible, or my memory verses, or like tonight, my laptop and I read, study, pray and commune. Did you know it could be like this!? I didn't!

Sometimes I worry a bit that my talking will bother Kasey sleeping upstairs. I finally decided to warn her that if she heard voices in the middle of the night it was just me and God talking. I pour out my heart to him just as I used to do with my husband and I feel His presence. The windows are dark, but there is no fear; the bed is empty but there is no lonliness. It doesn't make sense, but the empty spot beside me disappears.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Carla