Six Weeks Yesterday

I have to tell you, one of the amazing things about this whole situation I'm going through right now is the fact that I actually feel God's presence. I see evidence of him taking care of me. Yesterday I was given information - strange how it falls into my lap since I've kept my promise not to snoop (haven't gone looking for anything in 4 weeks). The information I received would have crushed me if I had heard it in the first 2 weeks. But yesterday, as I'm struggling with the whole 'divorce' decision, God gave me very clear information that confirmed that I am in God's will. Now let's stop for a minute and let me clarify some things. Does God want my marriage to end? No, he and I would prefer that Todd reconcile with God and turn from his sin and work on his marriage. Does God give me permission to divorce? Yes, under these circumstances the Bible is very clear that a divorce can be sought. It is especially clear regarding those spouses who refuse to turn from their sin and will not listen to God.

So, when the information was given to me instead of breaking down and crying I felt a sadness for the knowledge, but a peace for my decision. It was confirmation to me about where Todd is spiritually and physically and there is nothing I can say or do that will change his mind. God has made it very clear that this battle is on a spiritual realm. I will continue to pray and grieve for the man Todd used to be, but I will separate myself from who/what he has become.

Okay, I have an unusual prayer request. I talked to Stan yesterday. He is the husband of the woman Todd is with. Stan is a quadriplegic from a dirt bike accident that occurred since we've known him and his wife. He didn't find out about the situation until this past Sunday so he is about 5 1/2 weeks behind me emotionally and legally. The conversation we had was very painful as you can imagine. Stan desperately needs prayers. He has been left to fend for himself so his elderly parents and sister are caring for him. He is grieving not only the loss of a wife of 8 years, but also the little girl he adopted when they married. He feels useless and unloved. I reassured him with the words I could find, but I have to admit his situation is sad. Please help me pray that Stan gets through this time and feels Jesus by his side. I pray that he finds a new, meaningful life that will glorify God and bring him a peace and joy he didn't have when he could walk and care for himself.

At the beginning of this blog I wrote down the entire verse that God has given me to help me through. The verse is Micah 7: 7-10 and now I want to tell you about the part of the verse that scares me. It is the last verse, Then my enemies will see that the Lord is on my side. They will be ashamed that they taunted me, saying, "So where is the Lord, that God of yours?" With my own eyes I will see their downfall; they will be trampled like mud in the streets.

Obviously the whole 'trampled like mud in the streets' thing is frightening, but here is something else we know, God will discipline his children, his sons and daughters. He will take time to rebuke, or punish those who love him and who are his. But those who aren't his children he leaves to their sin. In light of that, I pray that God disciplines Todd. I pray that the holy spirit continues to fight within Todd, struggling with the forces of evil because the alternative is so much worse.

So I am six weeks out from what I have determined the worse day of my life and strangely I am filled with a tremendous desire to be filled with God. I am anticipating the day when I will have joy unspeakable and full of glory - and I believe that day is getting closer and closer.